Kitty Rules for Humans:
1. You must buy only the food we want whether it’s on sale or not. No experimenting with different brands or
flavors. This rule also applies to Kitty Litter. If we want something different, we’ll send you a memo.
2. The time you spend caring for us is unimportant…and that litter box doesn’t flush, you know!
3. Where a kitty sleeps will be determined by us, not you.
4. If a kitty is sleeping on a chair, you will not use this chair until the kitty wakes up and leaves.
5. Do not give a kitty dirty looks. We are free, however, to glare at you at any time.
6. Do not expect a kitty to come when called. Yes, we know our names but we are not dogs.
7. No, we are not deaf. Assuming that we are simply proves we’re good at what we do. Take the hint.
8. Kitties have the right to simply stop walking and to sit down anywhere we want even though you may be
walking behind us at the time.
9. Kitties will not show gratitude since we are not ‘pets’. If you want a ‘pet’, please get a mouse or fish.
(These ‘pets’ are acceptable to us!).
10. Kitties do not have to walk through an opened door simply because you opened it for us. (Even if we
were meowing for you to do this).
11. Kitties like to meow just to watch humans stop what they’re doing and come do our bidding. This is part
of our daily entertainment. You are to keep entertaining us!
12. Remember that a dead mouse’s head on your bed is a gift. (This rule also covers snakes, bugs, and
anything else that we might decide to bestow upon you).
13. You will learn to not change your position in bed during the night until you first check to make sure
you are not rolling over onto us. We will ‘help’ with this learning process.
14. If you should trip over us, it will be because you weren’t looking. Not our fault!
15. Windowsills are to be kept free from plants and bric-a-brac so we can jump up and look outside. Any
breakage is on you!
16. You can bring houseplants into the home…as long as we get to munch on them.
17. We have the right to stand on your keyboard if you are not paying enough attention to us. Where you
end up on the internet will be your fault.
18. If we decide to help you get to the bathroom at night, and jump up on the toilet seat cover ahead of you,
ask us NICELY to move. After all, we’re not mind readers. We don’t know WHY you got up…Just that you
were aiming in that direction. (And you might not be remembering Rule # 14).
19. We have the right to inspect and sniff…and lick…any fast food or pizza that comes into our home. If you
don’t like this, then tear off that part we inspected and give it to us. This doesn’t mean we’ll eat it,
20. This home and everything that comes into it is ours. Except for the utility bills. They belong to you.