“Kitty Rules” for Humans

Cats do seem to have a way of making us believe that we’re just not “measuring up” at times. But as any kitty knows, to get their approval you MUST follow their rules!

Kitty Rules for Humans:

1.   You must buy only the food we want whether it’s on sale or not.  No experimenting with different brands or

      flavors.  This rule also applies to Kitty Litter.  If we want something different, we’ll send you a memo.

2.   The time you spend caring for us is unimportant…and that litter box doesn’t flush, you know!

3.   Where a kitty sleeps will be determined by us, not you.

4.    If a kitty is sleeping on a chair, you will not use this chair until the kitty wakes up and leaves.

5.    Do not give a kitty dirty looks.  We are free, however, to glare at you at any time.

6.    Do not expect a kitty to come when called.  Yes, we know our names but we are not dogs.

7.    No, we are not deaf.  Assuming that we are simply proves we’re good at what we do.  Take the hint.

8.    Kitties have the right to simply stop walking and to sit down anywhere we want even though you may be

       walking behind us at the time.

9.    Kitties will not show gratitude since we are not ‘pets’.  If you want a ‘pet’, please get a mouse or fish.    

       (These ‘pets’ are acceptable to us!).

10.  Kitties do not have to walk through an opened door simply because you opened it for us.   (Even if we

       were meowing for you to do this). 

11.  Kitties like to meow just to watch humans stop what they’re doing and come do our bidding.  This is part

       of our daily entertainment.   You are to keep entertaining us!

12.  Remember that a dead mouse’s head on your bed is a gift.   (This rule also covers snakes, bugs, and

       anything else that we might decide to bestow upon you).

13.  You will learn to not change your position in bed during the night until you first check to make sure

       you are not rolling over onto us.  We will ‘help’ with this learning process.

14.  If you should trip over us, it will be because you weren’t looking.  Not our fault!

15.  Windowsills are to be kept free from plants and bric-a-brac so we can jump up and look outside.  Any

        breakage is on you!

16.   You can bring houseplants into the home…as long as we get to munch on them.

17.  We have the right to stand on your keyboard if you are not paying enough attention to us.  Where you

       end up on the internet will be your fault.

18.  If we decide to help you get to the bathroom at night, and jump up on the toilet seat cover ahead of you,

       ask us NICELY  to move.  After all, we’re not mind readers.  We don’t know WHY you got up…Just that you

       were aiming in that direction.  (And you might not be remembering Rule # 14).

19.  We have the right to inspect and sniff…and lick…any fast food or pizza that comes into our home.  If you

       don’t like this, then tear off that part we inspected and give it to us.  This doesn’t mean we’ll eat it,

       though.

20.  This home and everything that comes into it is ours.  Except for the utility bills.  They belong to you.

     

          

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User Comments
  1. Christine Ramsay

    On January 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

    You understand kitties much better than they think you do. A very clever and witty piece.

    Christine

  2. Betty Carew

    On January 22, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Extremely well done MJ . A delightful read. Oh for the world of cats lol

  3. Yovita Siswati

    On January 23, 2011 at 1:05 am

    Hillarious!

  4. Judy Sheldon

    On January 23, 2011 at 1:16 am

    My cats told me to leave you a thank you note.

  5. M J katz

    On January 23, 2011 at 2:20 am

    Thank you, all. Living with two kitties certainly helps one to learn the rules early, too! :)

    And Judy…you did what every cat owner ends up doing…obeying! Lol!

  6. albert1jemi

    On January 24, 2011 at 11:55 am

    great share

  7. Linvio

    On February 4, 2011 at 4:54 am

    interesting and cute… good to read this.

  8. Trey Allen

    On October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Nice article and thanks for share

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