Hi. You’re my person. The guy who picks up my poop. And gives me food. I’ve trained you well, if I do say so myself. And I do! Now I command you to give me a biscuit.

Ah, that was good. Now lets get down to business. It’s my business you pick up outside all the time after all. You know, it’s brown and gooey and sometimes, it’s even gooey-er! Ooh I just got the shivers! I love the shivers. They feel like a massage. Ahh, like the one you’re giving me right now. Wait, I need to go get my chew bone….

Oh where oh where did I leave that squeaky thing? Maybe outside. You better let me out, dude. Yay. Thank boneness that I’ve got you trained so well. Is that a puddle? Yes, it is a puddle. Now what do I do with a puddle? Trick question. I must run straight into it then try to eat it then drink it then eat it then lie in it then when I get bored I will pee in it. The moment of glory. Oooh wait is that her? Yes it is. Oh I love poodles. They are so fluffy and cute. Pretty fangs. Hey you, wanna sniff butts!

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Wait, I think I hear a bell. Oh it must be dinner time! Bye, I’ll sniff your butt later, pretty poodle! Thank bone for the doggy flap. I want to eat NOW and I don’t want to wait. Oh, hi daddy, now let me eat. Yes you smell good but I can always sniff you later. Mmm, whats that smell? BEEF? No, CHICKEN!!! No, wait, wait, I got it…… STEAK!!!!!!!!!! I gotta eat that, see you daddy, out of the way now, food food, food food food, food! ’scuse my butt, pardon my tail…. perform a spectacular leap and…… YESSSSS! I have got the steak! Now run run I’ve got to hide the steak, I gotta eat it before daddy notices, you won’t care, will you, my person and my dude who will give me anything I desire including…. here I skid to another spectacular stop, and get a bullseye, I hit the cat, oh what is that you’ve got?! Mmm, food! Better than steak. Pure yumminess………… oh a whole entire CHICKEN! But I want both…. I lose too much drool this way, you know. Stop teasing me, give me the chicken. I will not drop the steak. Want….. the…… chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oof you’re smarter then me sometimes. Gimme back my steak!!!! Or my chicken!!! No I don’t want my little pebble foodies! I want steak and chicken, then maybe pebble foodies. See if you feed me pebble foodies why can’t I eat rocks. They look the same feel the same and ARE the same, just taste different. Ooh daddy hi… I didn’t take your steak. It was MY steak I took. Yes daddy sorry if you thought it was your steak. Fine it was yours, but it was still mine too right? Since you’re mine and I’m yours and you are my loyal well trained dude.

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