You are the crazy cat lady. That’s a fact. You are in denial about the seriousness of your condition. That’s why this intervention is called for. Your family and friends have gathered with you at this time to show you some pictures that prove that you are, without a doubt, the crazy cat lady. If this sounds harsh, we are sorry. However, it is best that you acknowledge this reality.
There is no hope for recovery from this malady, unfortunately. The best we can hope for is to manage the tell-tale signs of your debilitating disorder (e.g., keep you locked up indoors at all times, forbid you to allow visitors into your home, make sure you don’t discuss your “hobbies” with others, etc.).
The following 10 pictures will prove to you, once and for all, that you are the crazy cat lady. Make sure you are sitting down before you look through the photographic documentation.
Pile O’ Cats
As if it weren’t bad enough that you own three of the largest cats in the county, the look of utter self-satisfaction at having 40 pounds of cat sprawled out on your lap pushes your case of “crazy cat lady” off the charts.
In Remembrance of Our Dearly Departed Feline
Sure, it was very sad when Wizard, the Wonder Cat, ascended to kitty heaven. It might have even been necessary to gather together all of your long, lost friends for an evening of remembrance and celebration of Wizard’s life. However, won’t you concede that the poster board commemorating various moments in Wizard’s life was just a tad over the top?
Daisy in Full Headdress
Not only did you go to the trouble of constructing a full headdress of various colors of construction paper for Daisy, you then proceeded to dance and stomp around the room, cat in arm, palm raised to your mouth, making a “whaa whaa, whaa, whaa” sound repeatedly.
Cat Wonderland
Let’s see–5 kitty condos (7 if we count the boxes), 1 cat bed, 29 cat toys, a cat scratching post–and that’s all that we can count in this photo. We are sure there is more cat paraphernalia in this room that is out of view. A bit much–uh, yeah, just a little.
A Peck on the Kitty Cheek for Max
You say Max loves a little lovin’, which brings out tender moments of bonding. But come on, nightly snuggle/nuzzle sessions might be interfering with your ability to connect with and create healthy relationships with people–the not-so-furry ones.
Bonding with the Cat Brood
If every available surface is taken by a cat, you should consider whether you might have a few too many. Sure, it’s “cute” that they all hang with you on the couch, but ask yourself whether it is only because there’s no where else in the house free of cats for them to loiter. Problematic for sure.
Striving to Be as Dignified as Fluffy
You’ve described to us numerous times how dignified and regal Fluffy is, and we agree–to a certain extent. However, you’ve crossed the line in your admiration of dear “Fluffs,” as you affectionately refer to her. The clashing plaid shirt against the pastel floral print wallpaper should give you some indication of how far into “crazy cat lady” land you have descended.
Nummy Kitty Breath
You’ve recounted to us on numerous occasions that when you have a bad day, it always cheers you up to smell Whisker’s breath. Mmm, you say, it smells just like Kentucky Fried Chicken–the bucket of extra crispy! Not only is that a totally weird observation, it is totally gross, unsanitary, and just wrong.
Can’t Get Enough of Great Big Kitty Lovin’
No, it’s not sad that Big Kitty won’t love on you like you want. He knows his limits, and you need to respect his personal space. You need to work on your co-dependency and learn to love yourself. Get from yourself what you want from Big Kitty. He’s helping you to turn inward and love yourself. If you can learn to do that, you will be better adjusted and much less freaky/bizarro.
Psychedelic, Baby!
We all agree that it’s great that you learned to meditate from that Indian guru guy on TV. You even bought the hippie tie-die “getcha in the mood for transcendence” T-shirt. Good for you! Absolutely. But when you started forcing your beliefs and practices on Swami, the pussy cat, that’s when your rope frayed and snapped and you were set loose around the bend.
We sincerely hope that you will not be offended by our intervention. Understand that we love you and only want to help you manage your crazy cat lady condition.
Liked it
User Comments
Lostash
On August 19, 2009 at 3:48 pm
So true! Cat lovers can be a unique breed in themselves!!
Jeremy James Noye
On August 23, 2009 at 12:22 am
Nummy kitty breath. Classic.
CaSundara
On August 23, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I like your sense of humour and I even laughed out load a couple of times, reading this – if you knew me you’d know that was a real compliment!
I don’t even watch comedies because they’re just not funny and a complete waste of my time…
Keep writing the funnies!
Paul Griffiths
On October 5, 2009 at 1:00 am
I clicked on this article from a list, because the idea stood apart from everything else – with no clue that you, out of the thousands of people on Triond, were the author. What are the odds?
This was a really creative and funny piece… great concept, catchy title and very well put together.
Post Comment