So where’d you get the idea that only the souls of sinful humans will burn in hell? Oh contraire, the 7 Deadly Sins apply to cats as well. Our furry feline friends are in extreme jeopardy because their souls are especially soiled, foul, and tainted. That’s right: we must worry not only about our own fate but that of our beloved kitty companions as well.
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Lustful Kitties
These two star-crossed lovers may look sweet, cuddly, and innocent, but you just wait until night descends and the humans go to bed for the night. An unbridled love fest is bound to ensue. Are you prepared for a litter of kitties in a couple of months? Not only will Romeo and Juliet multiply, the fate of their souls and the souls of their illegitimate spawn will then hang precariously in the balance.
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Wrathful Kitty
Nature and nurture combined to produce this utterly and totally pissed-off, you’re-gonna-pay-for-that-one-because-I’m-gonna-scratch-out-your-eyeballs-and-tear-out-your-heart-with-my-claws-and-fangs, oh-yes-I’ve-got-a-few-unresolved-issues kitty named Don. Sure, it’s a sad story of a kitten born to feral dumpster kitties, who left the young Don to fend for himself in the hostile territory of the Walmart parking lot, but it also seems Don has always had a propensity to violent outbursts and hateful, dramatic encounters.
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Prideful Kitty
Frequenting the salon for shampooing, clipping, grooming, primping, and fluffing; posing for photo shoots; hissing at the poodle oaf that lives in the house; and delicately and daintily eating organic, slightly moistened, preservative-free, easily digestible cat food from a crystal goblet–these are the primary activities that consume the stunningly beautiful Sophia Elizabeth’s days. A problem you ask? Well, only if you think of her prideful soul roasting slowly on the spit over the eternal hellfires.
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Greedy Kitty
Continuous fantasies and daydreams of wealth, dominance, intimidation, and coercion have permanently contorted Jagger’s countenance into a display of pure ferocity, intensity, and determination. Watch out if you see this kitty crossing your path. Jagger is bad news cattified any way you look at him.
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Slothful Kitty
From midnight to 11:00 p.m. every day, you can find Jester in an undignified, unbecoming, unseemly sprawl on the arm of the La-Z-Boy. Sometimes there’s even a bit of stretchy drool oozing from his jowls onto the blue fabric as he twitches in dreamlike bliss. He gets up for three things only: kibble, water, and the litterbox. Anything else requires too much of his preciously sparse feline energy.
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Envious Kitty
Green-eyed Gillian is forever envious of the green grass on the other side. She spends hours of her day staring longingly through the fence into the neighbor’s yard. She hopes for the day that her oblivious-to-her-kitty-grandeur ignoramuses, who do no more than put her food out and give her an obligatory scratch behind the ear, will tip over and allow her to go live with her rightful owners.
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Gluttonous Kitty
Tubby’s favorite pastime, as you can probably tell from his rotund belly and shameless and improper pose, is feeding nonstop at the food dish. His enabling owner is well trained to fill the bowl three to four times a day. Tubby merely has to howl like a banshee until the dutiful owner comes to calm and console him with more kibble.
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User Comments
Patrick Bernauw
On September 24, 2009 at 5:56 am
Fantastic! Great idea + worked out well = WOW article!
Payge
On September 24, 2009 at 6:25 am
That was something to read and I have a duplicate of the last cat.Sjhe is fat,lazy and has me trained very well.Im not sure whos house this is,,mine or hers.Great article.
Jane Jane
On September 24, 2009 at 8:17 am
fun to read with cute pictures though I’m not a cat lover.=)
Saz
On September 24, 2009 at 8:36 am
Gluttonous kitty is my favourite <3
giftarist
On September 24, 2009 at 9:05 am
I like the lustful kitties…lol,
Great article, two thumbs up!
Melody Arcamo Lagrimas
On September 24, 2009 at 10:37 am
Oh, this is very enjoyable and interesting.
Nikita K
On September 24, 2009 at 12:49 pm
This article is cute, interesting and has everything to captivate me! Including pics of cutesy kitties! I must say though, I haven’t got any cats but I can imagine these kitties and what a pain they’d be sometimes. Nice article!
BullwinkleMuse
On September 24, 2009 at 1:20 pm
This is funny. When I did a piece giving personification to the 7 deadly sins, the idea of ‘feline-ification’ hadn’t occurred to me.
Leslee
On September 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Trogdor and Ozzy loved the article.
Ruby Hawk
On September 24, 2009 at 8:07 pm
It was an intriging read, and the cats were an extra treat.
Unofre Pili
On September 27, 2009 at 2:02 am
An interesting article friend. It’s satirical, in my opinion.
Netty net
On October 3, 2009 at 9:02 am
Cute story.
lillyrose
On October 4, 2009 at 6:32 am
brilliant! I loved the greedy kitty he is so cool, if I was going to have a cat it would be one just like him!
T.Rex McGoogle
On October 17, 2009 at 10:24 pm
I enjoyed your story very much. I’ve had too many encounters
with mad kitties. Had a manx that got so mad at me for something that he viciously attacked my calf and scratched the heck out me…for nothing I coud think of. I kicked him in the schozz lightly and he finally retreated. That sounds mean but I love my cat and treat him very kindly. Especially after that unprovoked attack.
Victoria Osborne
On November 7, 2009 at 8:30 am
Gluttonous Kitty will probably suffer from many problems including diabetes and arthritis. Then the owners would have to buy special “reducing diet” food for him and it would cost a bomb! Hmmm….. being a veterinary nurse really does take the fun out of some things. ;D
Victoria Osborne
On November 7, 2009 at 8:32 am
We do have a very sinful kitty at work though. She belongs to the surgery and was taken in as a stray many years ago. She may appear to be a poor ex-stray that wants nothing more than to be scratched behind the ears but beware, she is just biding her time to turn around and swipe you when you least expect it!
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