Tinky-Winky the Chinese dwarf hamster

Tinky Winky and his fatter brother, Mason, live in a small plastic cage, with all mod-cons, on a desk, in the unused box-room at the top of the stairs. They’re perfectly nice little fellows, with above average intelligence, and they rarely bite (although they do display the rather anti-social tendency of pooping on your hand…).

The reason they were banished to spend the rest of their days in the cold, lonely, desolate box-room was because of a bad, bad pussy-cat, named Merlin, who spent the majority of his waking moments attempting to remove the hamsters, with their over-sized bottoms, from their cosy day-glo cage – so he could toss them around the room for a while, before ripping them to pieces. After several nearly-successful attempts (one resulting in Tinky Winky’s first adventure – recently made into a blockbuster Hollywood movie and due to be released over Christmas), drastic measures were necessary to protect the poor chaps from harm.

And so banished they were to the lonely box-room.

Merlin (the bad, bad pussy-cat)

However, one evening, several months later, one of the naughty, forgetful, clumsy children, also residing in the house with Merlin, the bad, bad pussy-cat, forgot to shut the box-room door properly before going to bed…

During the night that bad, bad pussy-cat sneaked right in there and knocked the day-glo hamster cage off the desk, breaking the door off and releasing poor Tinky Winky!

When the terrible mess was discovered hours later, the following morning, little Tinky-Winky was nowhere to be found! His usually quieter brother Mason was clearly distraught to have lost his best friend, and was squeaking loudly and biting the bars of the cage in a bizarre, crazed fashion.

The horrified family looked and looked – and looked, and looked, and looked. But there was no sign of Tinky Winky anywhere: not a poop nor a piddle to be found. The small boy who owned him was dismayed; his parents knew not what to do. They left food and water in various corners and cubby-holes, hoping he was simply hiding. But, two days later, there was still no sign of him; the whole house had been turned upside down in the frantic search.

The family were forced to admit defeat. Tinky Winky was gone…

That night, as the family soberly sat down to eat, there was a mysterious knock at the front door. One of the older boys went to answer it and returned moments later with a small container, which he opened to reveal a tiny hamster: it was Tinky-Winky! Everyone cheered loudly as the boy explained how Tinky-Winky had just been found in a neighbour’s kitchen, sitting quite brazenly in the middle of the floor – probably waiting for his dinner.

Tinky Winky had been very brave: in his first ever fight (he’s a gentleman, and much prefers intellectual endeavours) he’d been wounded by that bad, bad pussy and had bloody scars on his head and his tummy to prove it. He was also very thin, having lost his entire bottom (which was some achievement) and was feeling weak and slightly confused. He was quickly reunited with his elated brother and fattened up with a meal of delicious seeds and nuts, before taking a nap to get over his ordeal.

His owner’s family concluded the brave chap must have travelled down the long hallway, on his perilous journey through the night – somehow avoiding not only Merlin, but his keen-eyed lady-friend, Tiger-Lily (who knew far better then to hurt little hamsters, but may well have alerted Merlin to Tinky Winky’s presence) – and crawled to safety underneath the airing cupboard door. Here, the ingenious and daring fellow would have discovered a gap or two, where the pipes run in and out for the hot water tank, and cleverly managed to find his way to the neighbours house, where he placed himself in a prominent position for inevitable rescue.

What an incredible adventure!

Merlin, the bad, bad pussy-cat, shows no remorse for his actions, despite chastisement. He’s clearly a cat with no conscience…