To everything there is a season . . . a time to be born and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2

Death is painful. Children experience this life process questioning “How? Why?” and not only the why of death but, more important, also the why of the pain associated with loss.
 
According to child development specialist Jean Faull,  “Children can’t understand the permanence of death until they’re about ten years old. And most of them don’t carry emotional baggage about the sadness of death like adults do. They just want to know the facts.”
 
Although some children may react to loss with feelings of grief, others may not find the incident upsetting. Whatever your child feels or does’t feel is okay. Children need to know that crying is okay. In fact, it is necessary to help them through the pain of loss. They also need to know that there is nothing wrong with them if they don’t feel like crying.
 
“How parents behave rather than what they say will be a greater influence on how a child accepts death,” says Margaret Hevel, author of Parenting with Pets, the Magic of Raising Children with Animals. Physical comfort is an important part of the healing process. The steady presence of another family pet can be a great help. The animal’s company allows the child to transfer the love that he or she can no longer give to the one that has died. Adults sometimes interrupt or attempt to censor the pain that pours from a child’s heart. However a pet will feel a child’s anger and or sorrow without judgment. The slow rhythmic breathing of an animal can relieve the tension of stress for all ages.
 
When a beloved pet dies, working on a memorial will help the healing process. Here are some healing activities for parents and children to do together.
 
1) Write a letter to the pet saying all of the things you want it to know. This note can be tucked away, buried with the pet, or burned symbolically to carry the message toward heaven.
 
2) Create a scrapbook about the life of your pet. It can be filled with pictures, stories, and special items. Young people of all ages enjoy the memory of photographs. Looking through a photo album can provide a wonderful opportunity for both parents and children to recall the special times they spent with their pet. Don’t be afraid to laugh, even during the sad times. Humor during a time of sorrow helps to affirm life. The moment of joy will honor the pet that has died.
 
3) A memorial service can provide an opportunity for children to release their emotions and allow the healing process to begin. It also lets parents teach their beliefs about what happens after death. Perhaps it is appropriate to bury the beloved pet in the flower or vegetable garden. A box lined with a soft cloth can hold the pet. Sometimes children want to tuck in their pet’s favorite toy. “Pete needs this to play with in heaven.” Planting a beautiful perennial flower can be a long-lasting memorial to a wonderful life.