Top Reasons to Bring Home That Dog & Forget The Cat

Every thing you should know about cats that they won’t tell you and all the ways dogs are better. Brought to you by Dogs For A Cat Free Tomorrow.

This article is a response to the offensive and defamatory piece, Why You Should Own a Cat & Disown That Dog.  

Why would you want to adopt a dog over a cat?  It seems ludicrous that some people need to have reasons spelled out for them.  Well, if you are of lower intelligence or just released from some sort of institution for the insane and were considering adopting a cat or kitten, read on to be warned of these volatile, unsightly and unclean creatures.

Cats are lazy.

Cats are slothful, worthless creatures.  While dogs are protecting homes, guiding the blind, herding sheep, and pulling ridiculously heavy sleds through blinding snow storms, cats are busy haunting the house and sleeping all day.  Real fair.

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Cats are “sensitive”.

If you own a dog, they will forgive you for anything (except maybe bringing a cat into their home).  A cat, however, will nurse a grudge until it dies, or you do.  If you step on a tail, bring home bargain cat chow and think Miss Puss will let bygones be bygones, you’re as stupid as you are naive.

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Cat are sneaky.

You think you can ever be alone in a home with a cat?  You think you can have any secrets or privacy? No, because it will be watching you.  It is always lurking, gathering information it can use against you.

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A cat, no matter how scrawny, can own you.

You know all those “hilarious” videos of some huge brawny dog being chased away by a “cute litte kitty”?  Not so funny when you know that Little Mittenpaws is the spawn of Satan and their razor sharp claws can shred your face.  Get serious, humans, do you really think you’re special?  That you’re safe from their evil talons and their psychotic temperament?

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Cat Crime

Oh, people love the old “heroic fireman saves kitten from tree” routine.  How gullible can you get?  Don’t they realize while all the authorities have their attention on Mr. Cuddleboots all their mangy curr accomplices are robbing the neighborhood blind.  And that’s if you’re lucky.  This poor dupe, below, ”rescued” this cat.  What he doesn’t know?  This cat was the one that committed the arson in the first place.

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They’re evolving

While dogs have been bred for noble characteristics such as loyalty, valor, and intelligence, cats have been “devolving” into mutant freak killers.  Take a gander at this little charmer below. 

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They have powers they won’t reveal to their owners.

You think Mrs. Muffinears is the same defenseless little baby she presents herself to be when you’re not around to witness her communion with her evil demonic cohorts?  Please. There’s a reason your dog cries and whines every time you leave and it isn’t just because they’ll miss you.

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Cats may be reincarnated humans.

Reincarnation is a nice idea.  The down side?  Ghandi and Mother Teresa are not coming back as cats.  Certain evil dictators may come back for round two, however.

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It’s decision time. Would you like to snuggle up to this?

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Or this?

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Would you like to play with this?

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Or this?

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Would you trust this creature with your loved ones?

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Or this one?

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The choice is clear.  Stop the spread of the feline menace and choose a sweet puppy or lovable adult dog to adopt.  If you do choose to bring a cat into your home, be careful.  Be very careful.

Brought to you by Dogs For A Cat Free Tomorrow

Contributors:  Smuckers, Odie, Wolfie, and Sparky

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User Comments
  1. Kinga

    On September 13, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    Awesome article! This made me laugh :)

  2. djbtol

    On January 13, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Good job. Would take me a long time to get used to one of those hairless cats!

  3. JM

    On March 5, 2011 at 6:11 am

    I think this is just very subjective. Cats are best for some people and dogs are best for some people too. I am a proud owner of two pitbulls, a german shepherd and I am owned by a Siamese kitten. They pretty much coexist. Cats can be very snobbish but they are among the most cuddly and sweet pets you can ever get. Sometimes, dogs become over enthusiastic that they inflict painful bruises.

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