My Hamster is a Bloodsucking Vampire

You visit your local pet store and see this cute, furry bundle and decide then and there that you have to buy this hamster. The store owner takes him out, strokes him and lets him run from one hand to the other before putting him into a new cage.

The store owner offers to set up the new cage for you so you buy the cage, a feeding bowl, a water bottle, toys, food and bedding and you are all set. Your new pet seems to like his home and wanders around while you watch him in delight.

You get him home and he is so cute you call him “Snuggles”.

It’s time to play with your cute bundle so you pop your hand in and grab him. He promptly bites you and refuses to let go. You manage to shake him off and quickly shut the cage. Deciding that you didn’t really have time to play with him anyway you leave the room and go and watch TV.

Later that evening it’s time to feed your furry friend. He’s curled up in a ball asleep. You open the cage and put your hand in but he wakes up, makes a weird screeching noise and jumps across the cage straight for your hand with fangs bared. You withdraw quickly and decide that it’s easier to just drop the food through the bars of the cage and hope some of it goes into his bowl.

During the night you discover that he loves the wheel you bought him to play with, unfortunately, it has a rather loud and annoying squeak and as dear little Snuggles is nocturnal, you hear a lot of this squeak all through the night.

Morning comes and you think that since he has been up all night playing “how loud can I make this thing squeak?” he’ll be tired and docile. You open the cage and carefully drop the food into his bowl. Success! As you withdraw your hand he wakes up and launches himself at it and this time he draws blood.

You think of a few new names for him and Snuggles is definitely not one of them.

Things improve over the next couple of days. You learn to drop the food through the bars and get it roughly where it should go. You also learn not to get close to the cage as even walking past it can prompt a screeching attack or a full scale assault against the bars.

Your friend calls around and brings his young brother. The kid loves animals and wants to see Snuggles. You make loads of excuses but he insists. Reluctantly, you agree but tell him he has to keep real quiet. He asks why and you tell him that Snuggles is very tired and needs his sleep.

The kid is delighted with Snuggles and as you turn to talk to your friend he slips his hand into the cage. You watch in horror as he picks Snuggles up and strokes him. You think “any time now”, but Snuggles seems to be quite happy.

The kid turns to your friend and says the magic words “I wish I could have a cute hamster just like Snuggles”. Breathing a huge sigh of relief you quickly reply “Guess what? Take him, he’s yours”.